Funny Definitions for Real Estate Jargon

The Washington State University Department of Mathematics has blessed the real estate world with new definitions for some real estate terms we often see real estate agents and FSBOs use in the classified ads. Leave it to the math geeks to come up with something clever during the great housing bubble of the new millennium . . .

Old charmer – an old and ugly house

Stunning house – the house is not ugly

Tudor – two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter

Cape Cod – styled after Third World slum dwellings

Sunny corner lot – noisy intersection of two busy streets

Easy freeway access – noisy arterial street close to freeway

Low maintenance lot – no yard; the kids will have to play in the street

Meticulously maintained in the original condition – the appliances are 50 years old

Ready to remodel – the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in

Newly remodeled kitchen – 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents

Ready to move in – the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint

Desirable neighborhood – this little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood has a snobbish reputation

1 car garage – you can drive your Ford Escort into the garage but there is no room to open the door

In-city living – it is not safe to walk in this neighborhood after dark

Recreation room with wet bar – basement has been painted and has a faucet

Large family room – large basement

Bedroom in basement – basement has a 1′ by 2′ window

Lots of storage space – basement too small to be called a family room

Partial mountain view – you can see the tip of Mt. Olympus if you climb the roof

Territorial view – good view of your neighbor’s bedroom window

Build sweat equity – the house is not inhabitable

Storybook – the house is old and the roof is not flat

Efficiently designed kitchen – the kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time

Seasonal creek – muddy ditch across the property

Usable land – all the trees are gone.

Doll-house – tiny place filled with ugly knick-knacks.

Country living – too far from anywhere to drive to work

Country in the city – a grotesquely overpriced large lot with a 2 bedroom house built before World War I

Cozy – not a single room could fit a full size bed

Three season sunroom – a small addition the owner did not have enough money to insulate

Close to all amenities – the backyard is a shopping mall parking lot

Beachfront property, complete remodeling in 1996, a steal at this asking price – hurricane Andrew motivated the remodeling; no hurricane insurance available, at any price

Must see inside – the outside is ugly

Motivated sellers – subtract 15% from the asking price

Easy to heat – see “cozy”

Wildlife nearby – children and pets get ticks and fleas

Near transportation – Amtrak train goes through the backyard, every 15 minutes, day and night

Pet friendly neighborhood – organic matter constantly deposited in the front lawn

Neighborhood watch – your next door neighbor has binoculars trained on your house

Just available – previous owner just died on the premises, hope you don’t believe in ghosts